Monday, October 27, 2014

Blocked numbers and apologies that only make the apologizer feel better

Today has been... well, unique.
I was able to get in some yoga today, and after doing some kind of update on my phone I had a notification from the app I use to block calls and messages from... well, people I don't want to hear from. It was strangely filtering old messages I had received (it can also be used to view not blocked messages) yesterday and notifying me I had one that I already replied to. I opened the app to make sure all was ok... and yeah, it's fine. But (yeah, there's a but) I thought I had set it to automatically delete messages from blocked numbers. It didn't. There was a message from an ex, sent months ago, apologizing. Yes, that's right... apologizing (I seem to get this every year or so from whatever ex is trying to clear his conscious and finally realizes I was right when I said he was wrong). He apologized for not treating me right and not being able to recognize the love I had for him and so on. It was pretty sincere seeming, as far as a text can be, and did pull at a heart string or two (it was a total of 3 messages, sent consecutively). I don't remember the exact words, I deleted it immediately after reading.
Here's the kicker... I don't know who it is. I have an idea, and he called me "Kristin" instead of just Kris... so that narrows it down, I'm pretty sure I know who it was. But I no longer have the number saved in my phone, and don't want to. Regardless of who it is, I don't want him in my life in any way, shape, or form. If it's who I think it is, I wouldn't mind snapping that neck . Otherwise, I'm feeling a bit... stoic (?) about it all. It doesn't make me feel better or worse about the situation. Actually... now that I think about it it kind of pisses me off that, if it's who I think it is, he could just apologize again and I'd be accepting and forgiving.
Eff that.
I'm not nor have I done either.
I've just moved on in life and feel bad for him and anyone else that has to deal with him and his bs. And I'm super happy that I never have to deal with him again. He's someone else's problem, and that is fine by me.

Life has been pretty weird for me lately, feeling stalled and held back but still treading water in a way... and I'm pretty tired. It's not worth it.
Especially not worth stressing over a stupid ex's half assed apology text.
So, to that ex... hope you feel better. Just don't try to talk to me in public, or contact me in any way again. Who knows? You might actually catch me in a neck snapping mood...

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