Blocked numbers and apologies that only make the apologizer feel better

Today has been... well, unique.
I was able to get in some yoga today, and after doing some kind of update on my phone I had a notification from the app I use to block calls and messages from... well, people I don't want to hear from. It was strangely filtering old messages I had received (it can also be used to view not blocked messages) yesterday and notifying me I had one that I already replied to. I opened the app to make sure all was ok... and yeah, it's fine. But (yeah, there's a but) I thought I had set it to automatically delete messages from blocked numbers. It didn't. There was a message from an ex, sent months ago, apologizing. Yes, that's right... apologizing (I seem to get this every year or so from whatever ex is trying to clear his conscious and finally realizes I was right when I said he was wrong). He apologized for not treating me right and not being able to recognize the love I had for him and so on. It was pretty sincere seeming, as far as a text can be, and did pull at a heart string or two (it was a total of 3 messages, sent consecutively). I don't remember the exact words, I deleted it immediately after reading.
Here's the kicker... I don't know who it is. I have an idea, and he called me "Kristin" instead of just Kris... so that narrows it down, I'm pretty sure I know who it was. But I no longer have the number saved in my phone, and don't want to. Regardless of who it is, I don't want him in my life in any way, shape, or form. If it's who I think it is, I wouldn't mind snapping that neck . Otherwise, I'm feeling a bit... stoic (?) about it all. It doesn't make me feel better or worse about the situation. Actually... now that I think about it it kind of pisses me off that, if it's who I think it is, he could just apologize again and I'd be accepting and forgiving.
Eff that.
I'm not nor have I done either.
I've just moved on in life and feel bad for him and anyone else that has to deal with him and his bs. And I'm super happy that I never have to deal with him again. He's someone else's problem, and that is fine by me.

Life has been pretty weird for me lately, feeling stalled and held back but still treading water in a way... and I'm pretty tired. It's not worth it.
Especially not worth stressing over a stupid ex's half assed apology text.
So, to that ex... hope you feel better. Just don't try to talk to me in public, or contact me in any way again. Who knows? You might actually catch me in a neck snapping mood...

Take my sinuses... please?!? (aka It must be the time of year, or is it the time of "man")

Yeah, sinus infection came back.
And by looking at my Timehop posts, it seems it must be this time of year...
Stress can also make one more likely to get sick, whether it's a cold or sinus infection or something worse. But I'm not letting this one take control. While we cannot control everything in our lives, it's great to be able to take control of those things that we can.
And I do.
As often as possible.
Just a quick post today. Time for that allergy shot!

Ps Hugs & Kisses.

Happy Monday! (see, it's not so bad)

Things have felt quite hectic lately, and I'm not sure if it's the time of year or weather or what's going on but -according to my Facebook feed - I'm not the only one feeling it.
I wish I could fix it for all my loved ones, do something to make it better. But there are things even I cannot do... and it's weighing on me. Some call it sensitive, some say empath... whatever it is it's getting annoying and I'd like it to stop. It's difficult to keep both feet on the ground when my head is trying to fly away.
But it's ok.
This will pass.
Things always do.
Right?
Right...

The little thing that turned into a big thing that happened recently was that I tried to be ok while being around someone that once hurt me very very bad. He was emotionally abusive, and I'm very glad to be out of that situation. It's definitely further affected my ability to trust others, which may be a good thing... keeping me from rushing into things I shouldn't.
But a very dear friend is very close with this person, and he is a great friend/person in their eyes.
So I tried.
And I freaked out.
But it seems I'm good at keeping that in. Which isn't good after all because stress is never healthy...
I finally let this dear friend know the story, I got it all out, and while I don't want it to affect their friendship I thought she should know the truth about why I cannot do it... I cannot be around someone who was so determined to make me hate myself as much as they hate themselves... and physically scared me.

So I've spent this past weekend sick with a sore throat, fever, body aches, nasal congestion... all that fun stuff that goes along with my allergies. No, I can't just take a claritin or zyrtec and be done with it. First, they're crap. Second, a lot of those meds use lactose as a filler/binder which not only is a no no for vegans but I'm also allergic to... yeah. Allergic! So taking those things would just be stupid. Lots of hot tea.... lots of rest... feeling better today for sure.

If bad things didn't happen in life, we'd never get to appreciate the good.
And there is so much good. So much...

PS:
A HUGE thank you for those who have been asking about me, to see if I'm ok. No, I'm not... but I will be ;)
Thanks again <3 It helps more than you know to know people care.


And don't forget..

Kris DuVall, Arbonne Independent Consultant... Yes, I am!

I've really got to start posting more often...
So here I go!

Shortly after my last post, forever ago, I became an Arbonne Independent Consultant. "What is that?" you ask.. Arbonne is a 34 year old health, wellness, and beauty company. All of the products are botanically based, cruelty-free (not tested on animals), vegan (yup, that's right!), toxin free, phthalate free, gluten free (something most, even those avoiding gluten, don't even think about), mineral oil free, and so on.
Seriously, I'm in love.
And I was in love even before I tried the products.
I met my sponsor, Clara, via a Facebook group (Vegansaurus, which is a pretty cool group and you all should check it out). They had posted something for her basically offering an entrepreneurship opportunity and included her email address to reply to. I usually didn't check my Facebook before work (at the JAY OH BEE) back then, but I'm so glad that I did that day. I emailed her right away expressing interest... and here I am today, an Arbonne Independent Consultant. Yes, it was that easy to get started.
See, I had been looking for something like Arbonne for a while. I looked around and realized that here I was, at 34, basically in the same situation I was in ten years ago... at 24 (I just have less dogs and a better car now, lol) and that just didn't sit well for me. I was tired of settling, thinking that this was as good as it would get and that I just needed to get over it. I deserve better. I am better! And yes I can make a better life for myself and those around me. I refuse to be in the same place in 5 years... even 1 year...
If nothing changes, nothing changes!
And in the blink of an eye, the little that I do have could so easily be taken away from me.
This is no way to live. It won't be easy... but this is not living. It's barely surviving. Medical bills piling up, being grown and still dependent on my mom and grandparents to help me even live paycheck to paycheck? No. Not acceptable. This has been going on too long, and I'm done.

But I'm not only doing this for myself. So many others that I know, some I even love (yeah, you :)) are also settling. Not only for what life gives you, but these products that claim to improve your life but are actually poisoning you and your families. Years ago a famous baby care brand had a huge lawsuit against them because it was found that they all contained formaldehyde. Yup, that's right. And the FDA just let them. Even if you don't care about all the artificial crap and animal garbage they put into your stuff, straight up poisons should never be acceptable. And don't forget about the ingredient in most deodorants that causes breast cancer (yes, in men too).
Instead of paying and marching and fighting to find cures, why don't we just cut them off at the start and don't allow them in our homes and lives? Ingredients in hand sanitizer that cause cancer, non-food ingredients in our foods, and artificial dyes that make us go crazy.... not just for us adults but children, too.
Not acceptable.
You deserve better! You are better!

Now here's one of the best parts; it's all done with network marketing. That means there is no middle man. You find a consultant (like me :D), do some consulting with them, and order online. Things can be shipped directly to your home. No commercials, huge magazine adds, or lies being thrown in our faces with claims of miracles when you know that famous person's face (or other body part) has been airbrushed. This means all funds can go back into thorough research for the products instead into the bank accounts of the already rich and famous. This means that any claims are made by those of us that actually use the product and can attest to the reality of the results.
And this stuff ain't no joke.

So... if you wonder what I've been up to, this is it. Doing my regular thing, spending time with my pups and family and friends, and building my Arbonne business so not only can I have the freedom, peace of mind, and control in my life but also can help others find theirs, too.

..... if nothing changes, nothing changes...

Are you ready?

Comments and Questions About Explaining Oneself...

Wow... holidays were pretty crazy, huh? Time definitely gets away from me during the rest of the year, but during the holidays it seems worse.
So here I am, forever since my last post, making updates/changes to my blog and stuff... and finally posting a new entry.
Here it goes...

Yesterday Mother Dearest came over and we partook in some retail therapy as we usually do. We started our day at a used and new furniture store near my home, then visited a new local organic shop that is super close to my house (they have a pretty good start, but it's slow going... will have to post more about them later). Next we finally got to our main destination: Costco. Yes, that's right. Costco. I've heard they treat their employees wonderfully (an employee confirmed that, they start off making more than most make now after working somewhere for several years), have some great organic produce, and many vegan friendly foods one can buy in bulk. Since my mom and I and my grandparents can benefit from sharing bulk goods it seemed like a great idea. Of course they let us walk around to see what was going on and we were pretty impressed. All the employees were super nice, which is a rarity in this day in age, and they had those sample tables out and ready.
This is where the uncomfortable part starts...
Many of the sample items weren't vegan. I expected this. Some obviously, some not so much. I'm at a point where when I'm offered something non vegan friendly I just say "No, thank you" and go about my business (although I did get snooty about them serving hot tea in styrofoam cups... seriously, how is this crap still allowed like this, ugh). My mom, though, felt the need to tell everyone "Oh, no, she's vegan. She doesn't eat anything from an animal" or something of that sort in a way that seemed a bit much to me. I even responded once or twice with a "she doesn't care, so she'll eat whatever" response. She would also tell them all we hadn't joined yet and were just looking around, which I felt was unnecessary (especially when it would send most of them into a long story about how awesome they were, which was annoying just because I was already sold, lol).
But why did this bother me, and why did she feel the need to explain what felt like everything to everyone (especially when we had other things to do that day)?
At some point I just lost the need to explain myself,  and just about being vegan. I think it actually started once at Earth Fare when I was offered a sample of filet mignon and I just told the guy no thank you. And I kept rolling my buggy on. In other situations I've gotten a "What, are you vegetarian?" which I will quickly correct to say I'm actually vegan... and if they have other questions I will always gladly answer. Once there was even one deli counter worker who decided to question me on my reason for being vegan like she was a teacher looking for a correct answer ("The animals, my health, and the planet" is a quick answer, and a lot of times I'll just state that animal products are gross... all depends on the situation).
But why do I have to explain myself if I really don't want to? In a lot of situations most people don't care (like those sample folks just doing their jobs, handing out samples of whatever they are to push that day) or it's just not the place or time. Maybe I'm just tired of explaining myself. If I don't want some burnt animal flesh, I don't want it. I don't owe anyone an explanation.
See, I've never been good with confrontation and sometimes a simple comment can make things go not so good. Like with that coworker that thinks buying bottled water that has a stamp telling you the bottle is recycled (instead of using a reusable bottle) is doing this huge great thing or that date that won't shut up about the great deal they got on a new leather coat they insist on shoving in your face, sometimes you just gotta smile and move on (and make a mental note for no second date, ew). Sure, I enjoy sharing how awesome being vegan is... but sometimes I get so tired of explaining myself, especially when any response I give is matched with what I can only assume the other person thinks is a joke or just a lame attempt at being funny. And it's so not funny.... it's actually pretty sad.

For my fellow veghead friends, how do you handle these situations? Do you explain yourself, or just move on? Please respond in the comments!